Where is My Mind?
by Anneklok
Summary: [finished] Horror/Angst/Romance -anti b/s- .. Spike has sired someone new for him to call pet, but what a nag at his mind the slayer can be ..
1. Prelude

Title: Where is My Mind?

Author: Miss A

Rating: R

Characters: Spike, Buffy, Original

Genre: Angst, Romance

Summary: 

· Takes place after the end of season 6. Spike instead of getting a soul gets the chip out of his head fair and square. Definitely an anti-B/S shipper fic going on here.

· Danika (my character, but not a self insert) and Spike. 

· Buffy distrusts and hates him. He's sired someone new. Getting over an ex proves to be a bit difficult. With all the drama in Spike's head he should probably look forward to the future and move on … you know, back to his destiny.

Contact: missannerzz@yahoo.com

**(Prelude)**

_Finally I find when I lose control  
Inside my body crumbles  
It's like therapy for my broken soul  
Inside my body crumbles_

-Dry Cell. Body Crumbles

_This was never my world, you took the angel away  
I'd kill myself to make everybody pay  
This was never my world, you took the angel away  
I'd kill myself to make everybody pay _

_I would have told her then, she was the only thing_

_That I could love in this dying world  
But the simple word "love" itself  
Already died and went away_

-Marilyn Manson. Coma Black


	2. Danika

**(Part 1)**

            "When are you leaving?" the sharp pointed words flowed from her slick with crimson lips.

            "Leaving? Pet this is my place. I should be asking you the when's?"

            Danika's pink tongue pointed caressing the edges of her elongated twin canine teeth. Her eyes twinkled, but not in beauty, charm or pleasantries. They always twinkled with every speckle of light that caught them. Her skin had faired since their first meeting. She had the same pale flesh as Spike's now, only riddled with pinks and reds to give clue to her mood. 

            Spike stood before her. His stomach warm and full from feeding outside the crypt. He'd stood away from the bed watching Danika feed on the remainder of the human he'd brought home. He'd watched her hungry frenzy and noted every drop of blood spilt from her lips dotting his sheets and her clothes. Now he watched her clean her lips of the meal wishing she could clean the fresh blood from the red-buttoned shirt of his that she wore.

Her tongue lapped some of the fresh crimson around her mouth. Her lips curved in approval of the taste. He watched slightly fascinated at the blood left at the corners of her mouth. It would begin to dry and crust soon. Impulsively he moved forward toward her face, hungry. Danika leapt backward from Spike, kicking at him with her bare feet. He paused in his action holding still glaring at her partially surprised and partially irritated at her response to him.

"I asked you a question blondie," her bare foot was arched toes pointing at him accusingly as she rested back on her elbows.

Spike assessed the situation looking down her toes the length of her leg to her relaxed body. He studied her bare legs, thighs barely covered by the fact that his shirt wore long on her smaller frame. 

Danika reclined on the iron rod bed while Spike had only a knee upon the edge leaning forward palms on the mattress so he was crouched almost mounted fully if it weren't for his other leg hanging where he had immediately paused. With his eyes directed only at the corners of her mouth, saliva flooding his own at the promise of blood superb flavor.

"Any brain would tell you," Spike's words shooting force as his body flew forward ignorant of her legs, "I meant I wouldn't be leaving, not tonight, not tomorrow, not now,"

Spike hands held her forearms securely pressing them to the wall behind her head. He straddled her with his legs, his knees clamped to her hips, holding her still. Danika's expression held no surprise and no delight. She stared back totally disaffected. Even the wet of the tip of Spike's tongue tempting the corners of her mouth licking at the drops of blood brought forth no reaction.

"Are you done?" Danika's voice empty and dispassionate prompted deadpan once Spike lifted his face from hers.

"Why don't you like that?" Spike's question slipped from his lips with quiet honesty.

Danika was silent.

Through gritted teeth Spike asked again, "You hated living. So I killed you. You hated the killing so I didn't kill you. You didn't like the siring. You didn't like the starving. You didn't like the feeding. You can't stand me and you're still here. You're in my crypt eating what leftovers I bring home asking me when the hell I'm going to go."

His fingers tightened considerably making painfully tight vices around Danika's arms.

"Tell me why. Tell me what to do,"

"How human," Danika muttered.

"Stop it,"

"You are such a fucking trooper. Such a fucking wonderful -!"

Spike's fingers went slack around her arms. It took no prompting for his fist to rear back launching through the air straight into her cheek. For his efforts Danika yelped and whimpered on impact of his fist becoming silent. Her glance had been flung to the side by his fist.

"Stop it," Spike repeated.

With ease her face turned so that she looked at Spike. Her eyes were anything but angry. The same blank emotionless stare shined back at him.

"If I knew you'd be this much trouble …" he trailed off.

"Finish me then,"

"You'd appreciate that," Spike growled leaning back so he sat atop her.

Danika stared at him one hand going behind her head to cushion it and the other rubbing her jaw.

"Why did you take me and do this to me? Why?"

"You begged,"

"I didn't say a word,"

"Your eyes said enough,"

"And what do they say now,"

Spike looked away from Danika, displeasure spilt on her features.

"Nothing, they're dead,"

Spike backed from her dismounting from the bed. He stumbled backward watching Danika lying still on the bed allowing her only movement to be her watchful eyes.

            "I'm unwilling to be in this box," she managed to exhale.

            "Then get out. Go frolic in the sun for all I care," Spike snapped in return combing his hair with his fingers nervously as he turned his back to her.

            "No, I mean. Before you found me," she stuttered, "I was happy –"

            "Sorry to loose you from your happy fucking mortal coil. You didn't look so fucking ecstatic when I happened upon you. You looked ready to kill –"

            "Then he died,"

            Spike turned his head toward Danika stopped by her mumble of an interruption.

            "What?"

            Danika didn't answer. 

            "Who died?"

            "Someone who meant everything to me,"

            "I sired a fucking rebound," Spike groaned wandering farther from the bed.

            "You're right,"

            The bed squeaked at Danika removing her weight from it. Spike continued to stagger forth away from her.

            "I wanted this. I just can't watch it happen again. So I throw everything I can between me and –" She paused waiting for his feet to stick before finishing. "What's become my world,"

            Spike took his time turning. His face fought the contortion into the demon.

            "You should have fought me," he growled, "You shouldn't have chosen this. With pain and bitterness that you're gushing about. You should have just died!"

            "Should I?" her gaze was frowned back at him like a reflection.

            "I can do something about what bothers me. I can kill all those pathetic herds of talking cattle that softened me and made me serve them taking away my ability to fight back! You're going to whine and cry and be a big fucking pain in the ass because your one and only died and I'm a cruel bastard who is keeping you caged in this pain!"

            "He wasn't my one and only when he died. We split up and then there was an accident. We needed some space and it was my fault. I was making him crazy with all my worries and he left me for a while. He went partying and was at a rave. He took some bad stuff and died,"

            "Touching. Quite sad and if I could force up some humanity I might sit and cry with you and talk about feelings, but I don't have time. I spent quite enough of it trying to warm you up and you've been nothing but a frigid, inconsiderate bitch!"

            Danika took a step toward him eyeing him waiting for him to turn and stalk away. She took another step as he stood still, followed by another.

            "It's been hard sorting this," Danika explained quietly, "I've been sullen and withdrawn, yes. I've been difficult, right again. Isn't that expected? Were you overjoyed when you woke up undead?"

            "I didn't carry on like you do," his hiss faded into a whisper.

            She halted her approach when in his arms reach.

            "The chip gave you the humanity and the remorse did it?"

            "Bloody right,"

            "Then why did you spare me? Why did you turn me?"

            "Temporary insanity seems the most likely explanation as of now,"

            "I don't believe that," Danika gave a toothy smile stepping toward Spike causing him to tense, "I think you grew a little accustomed to it. Maybe habits are hard to break especially in an old boy like yourself and maybe just maybe you saw a little sense in all of it,"

            "I think you're manic. One minute cold and now you're all," he hesitated as she finished her last step to him, "lively,"

            Sensation of her breath ran along his neck over his Adam's apple. He had the mind to pull back feeling her teeth stroke his skin. A pleasurable pain struck him when her teeth sunk down nipping his throat. The pain increased when he swallowed hard moving his skin against her steadfast clamp of teeth.

            "You're all I have now. Maybe that's skewing this," Danika panted, "but I don't care and I know you don't care. I need someone to take care of me and you showed up. You need someone to take care of you, don't you? They all hurt you so bad, inside,"

            Another bite sunk just below his collarbone. Spike took in a sharp breath shivering. He raised his hands planting his palms on the sides of her head pushing hair against the flesh of her ears. Instead of tugging her away from his body and casting her to the floor he pulled her closer hoping to deepen the bite into his flesh. His eyes raised and his eyelids lowered screwing his eyes shut tightly. He exhaled a deep breath resisting the urge to fall to the floor in ecstasy of the pain.

            "So what do you say now that I'm talking to you after a week of such cold silence," her voice almost teased at his earlier objection of her behavior.

            Spike's hands slid from her head to her waist, pushing her from his body. Taking her tightly he flung her backward landing her against the bed.

            "I'm going to make you pay, pet," he growled, "that's what I say. You've been nothing but trouble. Even feeding off you was a bother. Not enough blood in that body of yours,"

            Danika's lips curled back into a sordid grin aimed at Spike. She glazed them with her tongue shakily rising from the floor at the end of the bed where she had landed hard. Taking a seat on the bed, she braced herself with her hands flat on the mattress. Cocking her head to the side she tugged her feet apart keeping her knees together. Her face changed allowing all her features to become more jagged and malevolent.

            "Make me pay then," she hissed.

            Spike's features shifted to match Danika's. His black duster dropped to the floor and he strode forward tugging at the bottom of his black tee shirt, preparing to strip it from his skin and toss it to the floor.

            "Whatever got into you I don't want it to go away," Spike growled dropping his shirt and diving at the bed and Danika.

            Pressing her body to the mattress Spike bared his teeth and sunk them into her neck stirring a short cry and long moan from Danika. She wriggled beneath him stroking her entire body against his, animalistic noises purring from her open mouth. Spike reared his head back watching the gaping wound in Danika's soft skin heal immediately upon his release.

            "I wasn't sure I'd got my instinct back until I found you walking. I was thinking about pounding the shit out of that demon for not giving me what I wanted and then there you were. So warm, inviting and easy for the taking,"

            "What are you babbling about?"

            "Remembering the first time I ripped your neck to pieces," Spike's features reverted back to human appearance, "You cried your eyes out begging not to be hurt, but I hurt you anyway. Lying there all beat up barely conscious begging with your last conscious thought and then I got the pay off, all your sweet blood flooding down my throat,"

            "So I bit you back," Danika whispered in counter.

            "I let you. Teeth on my skin were too much to turn down. She," Spike began successfully distracting Danika from his original words by licking the spot on her neck where her wound had healed, "I want to do all sorts of bad things to you now that I know you,"

            "Please – "

            "Don't hurt you?" Spike guessed softly his fingers finding the neck of his shirt on her body, ripping it down the middle setting off a spray of buttons, "I won't,"

            "Why not?" Danika panted as the fabric of the shirt was torn on the sleeves and loosed from her body.

            Spike's hands drifted over her bare arms locking her wrists in his hands, pinning them above her head, "That's my girl," he whispered eerily his features contorting once more as he bared down on her.


	3. Therapy for a Broken Soul

**(Part 2)**

Only the black sheets darkened in wide spots with blood were a reminder to the chaotic violent frenzied act of the day. It must have been mid-afternoon to the human world, but in the darkness of the crypt the only act permissible was sleep. Danika's limbs wrapped around Spike only held against him by one tightly curled arm around her waist.

They had coupled for hours, clawing and biting and shrieking. Danika would have had cuts and bruises and lots of teeth marks if she hadn't been sired by Spike. Her flesh was as pale and pristine as ever. Spike had a disturbing angelic look to him in his slumber. It almost didn't suit him, but with his head slumped against Danika's shoulder unconscious nothing looked suitable on him. 

Energy would have to be replenished after the romp. Danika dreamed of draining the last out of another near corpse. Spike dreamed of something a little bit more extravagant. The demise and draining of an enemy, slowly but surely and perhaps not even to provide for his childe so much as to alleviate his own mental anguish. What a pleasurable dream it was to sneak his way into a certain house in the cover of night. To slip undetected through a certain shut doorway and into a serene peaceful bedroom. Then to gently press his lips to the forehead of a slumbering someone watching her beautiful eyes flutter open in recognition of the touch. She'd look into his eyes with knowing and longing and – 

Spike grumbled tossing his body over releasing Danika. In his mind he was in Buffy's room. Asleep he could smell her and the shine of her hair nearly blinded him. He was intoxicated with lust and ardor. He wanted her. He wanted to be with her and see her smile, but his urges overwhelmed him. Her lips began to part and not to whisper something beautiful. She would curse or scream or grunt as she tried to beat him. Someone would run and stop him.

Spike looked into her eyes the knowing and longing replaced and he understood. They had never been there. She glared and almost passively reached for her bedside table. He caught sight of the wooden stake resting, waiting for him. Before her fingertips could capture it he swatted it angrily from the table. It clattered against the floor. His face took the demonic shape and he descended on her. She fought, her nails scratching his face. In a rage his fists plummeted into her face and her chest. His body weight held her down.

Leaning forward relishing the effects of slowing the brain had during rest. He savored the urgency and the stimulation of his impending action. His mouth opened wide and he heard the fear escape her body in the form of a startled cry. She couldn't believe he'd gotten one up on her. He'd show her he wasn't a fool. His tongue went forward before his teeth tasting the miniscule salty flavor of her skin. Moving slowly he edged to the skin of her neck. He could see the future, the skin tearing back, the blood flowing, the veins exposed with tissue and all the brilliant insides of her throat.

Sinking his teeth down into Buffy's neck he heard her muffled shout, losing air and reality as she floundered against him for life. He tasted the coppery flavor of her blood and the number three pounded all around him flying by him in huge neon numbers that weren't really there. He growled and bit down harder. The fighting fists beating against him went lip and he froze. It was over.

Spike shot from the bed. Doused in sweat he tumbled to the floor frightened and exhilarated all at once. Wildly he looked around him, finding the crypt a comforting sight. Danika stirred raising her head looking over the side of the bed at him quizzically. He panted and ran his fingers through his hair uneasily. He tasted Danika's blood on his tongue and swallowed hard trying to forget the taste of any blood. Something disturbed him about his dream. He didn't want to be dreaming it, but he had yet to understand why. Killing the slayer was after all why he ran to the demon to regain what the chip had taken from him.

"Come back to bed," Danika urged ignorant of his inner struggle.

Spike remained seated on the floor beside the bed unsure of his surroundings.

"Spike," Danika now asked concerned.

"I'm okay. Just dreaming is all,"

            Spike forced himself to crawl back under the sheets beside Danika. He reclined onto his back; eyes wide open, refusing to sleep again. Two small hands slid from his stomach to his chest slick with his sweat. He lulled at the sensation of thumbs rolling his nipples until they were hard and painful to the touch.

            "Mmm, pet you're being awful to me," Spike sighed closing his eyes.

            A thumb trailed away from one of his nipples to make room for her mouth to close over the red sensitized nub. Spike moaned inciting a weak nip, followed by a playful bite.

            "Hurt me," he urged cringing as she bit down harder tightening the grip of her teeth in increments each at his request.

            Her lips released his nipple preferring to capture his lips in a kiss. Her tongue pushed into his mouth bringing with it the delicious flavor of his own blood. 

            "Hurt me love," he begged tearing his lips from hers for a moment to plead, "Don't let me walk away. Tie me up and make me pay,"

            "Why?"

            "Do I need a reason,"

            Danika pulled away from Spike a hurt expression across her face.

            "I know why, Spike. I was just hoping you could say it to me," Danika frowned and averted her glance, "If you ask me the tease bitch deserves to have you rip her throat out,"

            A heavy backhanded slap landed across Danika's face. She flew backward, tumbling head over heels off the bed, again landing on the floor stunned. Spike didn't relent and lunged after her, pinning her face down against the floor.

            "Just shut up!"

            "Did that demon take you for a ride Spike!"

            "SHUT UP!"

            "You can't face her. You can't kill her. You want to make her pay and make her hurt, but you can't touch her!"

            "I'm beginning to think I should have just ate you and called it a night!" Spike shouted shoving her face down into the floor harder to silence her.

            "Oh come off it!" Danika sputtered finding it hard to speak with her cheek crushed to a cold cement floor.

            "I've been too busy doing everything for you to take care of her!" Spike let out an exasperated growl, "You require to much fucking attention!"

            "How much time does it take to grab me dinner and kill that bitch,"

            Spike thrust her violently against the cement releasing her. He backed away clumsily resting against the bedside. His face was a mixture of anger at her and anger at his better judgment.

            "I just want to be me again," he muttered clasping the sides of his head with his hands.

            "You can be Spike. Just move on," Danika whispered pushing up from the floor.

            "Don't you think I've tried," Spike muttered, "Can't kill her. Can't forget her. Can't bloody off you to make you shut up so I can make sense of all this,"

            Danika sat up from the floor again touching her sore jaw from having it slammed into the cement floor with the rest of her face.

            "I wasn't meant to live this way. It's just not right. I feel like a fucking fraud!"

            Danika crawled on hands and knees to the slightly hysterical sire. He shot her a contemptuous look urging her to increase the distance between them. Instead she put two arms around him at his shoulders. He didn't return the contact.

            "Then we'll have to work around this. She's making you crazy,"

            "You have no idea. You've only just begun to hear the story,"

            "I don't need to hear it," Danika's features swiftly changed, "I want her dead Spike and you want her dead. We'll find a way. It can't be impossible,"

            "It is. With what this chip left in my head to act like I have a soul and to love that bitch human slayer,"

            "Just remember," Danika smiled licking Spike's cheek, "You already have me, Spike and when she's gone you'll be able to forget all about her,"

            Her teeth sunk deep into the softest flesh of Spike's neck reminding him of his earlier command to hurt him badly.


	4. Lay me out..tie me down

**(Part 3)**

            Danika sat perched on a headstone with her legs crossed. Ironically the inscription was for someone of the last name Looney. She smirked admiring her freshly painted long fingernails. She watched Spike pace yards away ruffling his hair with his fingers staring expectantly at the road that curved around the edge of the cemetery.

            "Maybe the bitch won't show," Danika muttered causing Spike to turn and glare at her.

            "I'm not begging her to. I'm hoping she doesn't show. I want a quiet night for the two of us,"

            "Uh huh," Danika nodded, "Which is why you're in such a panic over your appearance.

            Spike stopped in his pacing, "Not another word,"

            "Well if you're so fucking calm and disaffected then what are we even doing out here 'hunting' in her patrol grounds,"

            "Look," Spike started fumbling for the words, "I'm out to get us a bite to eat and to show you a few things. I know what I'm doing. Have you become some sort of expert on being undead in the – how many days has it been?"

            "Just a total amature; my mistake," Danika muttered annoyed by Spike's method of lying and getting accusatory with her.

            "Now keep all your comments to yourself. I hear someone," Spike hissed sending Danika off the gravestone and onto her feet.

            "And what if it isn't a snack,"

            "Then we're in a bit of a tight spot aren't we,"

            Danika walked softly and carefully through the cemetery grass coming right behind Spike. She folded her hands on his shoulder gently and leaned close to him, her lips inches from his ear.

            "I say we go back to the crypt and have a little fun,"

            A wry smile played on Spike's lips even through his distraction and previous annoyed attitude.

            "Playful as a kitten and as hyper as a pup. Were you always like this or did I just bring out the animal in you,"

            "It's all that calling me 'pet' I think. Makes me want to bark, bite and purr,"

            "Bark eh?" Spike snickered, "Now that's a picture in of itself,"

            A form appeared stalking from several yards ahead, the presence visible only as the tree covering dwindled and more moonlight divulged the identity. Spike grimaced and Danika cocked an eyebrow skeptically. He had a sixth sense about things sometimes or maybe perhaps a keener nose than most.

            "You just had to will it to be didn't you," Danika swore releasing her folded hands from Spike's shoulder unhappily.

            "I didn't want it," Spike growled his head swiveling to the side catching Danika backing away a hurt expression on her face. He insisted realizing her jealousy, "Really,"

            A blonde wearing a black spaghetti strap top and tight fitting red leather pants approached eyeing the pair of vampires. Her hair slightly wavy and fashionably messy was pulled into a tucked ponytail. Her features were all business, set in stone and stoic if anything. IN her hand a precisely carved sharpened stick of wood, perfectly fitting in her strong hand. She was fit, but not excessively ripped and for that she was attractive aside from her appealing face.

            "SO," she called on her approach, "Spike, who's the Dru look a like? Anyone I should know or just the new 'pet'?" She flashed the quotation symbols with her fingers irking Spike in the process.

            Spike's eyes rolled and before speaking he raised his arms trying to look the part of the peaceful passer though. Danika stopped in her backward trek listening to the words aimed at Spike.

            "Buffy," Spike acknowledged, "She's none of your concern and not a Dru look a like. Not that I even need to bring up your penchant for trying to replace loved ones with stunt doubles,"

            Buffy's eyes narrowed, but she continued her path to him her feet hitting the ground a tad harder than before as she stepped. 

            "If you don't mind, I know how you love reunions and all, but I was just leaving and would like to be off and on my way,"

            "Not so fast," she halted him closing the space between them, "I thought you left Sunnydale,"

            "Funny thing," Spike smirked scratching the nape of his neck, "I try to leave, but the bloody place just calls to me you know. I got a nice crypt, good cable, what else could a creature want,"

            "Obviously a new pet," the sarcastic answer snared him.

            "Jealous?"

            "Right,"

            Buffy abruptly ended the conversation driving her knee forward into Spike's gut throwing her arm forward cold cocking him. He tumbled swayed backward darting a hand forward swiping for her leg. Succeeding he jerked it out from under her, letting go to block her other arm swinging the wooden stake for his chest. His face had changed into the frightening demon figure without any conjuring. She gasped flat on her back, rolling to the side to avoid him. 

Getting to her knees, she eyed him briefly sizing him. Springing forth she dove at him. Spike was ready, twisting to the side his leg jolting out giving her a powerful kick sending her backward a few steps stunned. The move gave him enough time to grab for her. She lashed out again and he caught her wrist whipping her around so her back faced him. He reeled her in wrapping his arms around her, holding her still.

            Without any final words he growled in her ear making his intentions known. She was barely panting from their encounter. His lips neared her flesh, but predictably one of her elbows found enough leeway in his embrace to jam back and knock the air from him and send his arms open freeing her. She turned quickly and raised her arm brandishing the stake. In one fluid motion she brought it forward her aim no longer to scare or fool him. 

The stake stuck mid air, not nearly close enough to his chest. Buffy's head whipped disbelieving of her peripheral vision. Her wrist was held tight by a slender elegant hand, the fingers white as the strained knuckled and the long nails freshly painted a deep red. A changed demonic face smiled back at her with a fanged toothy grin.

"Forgetting about the dimwitted pet?" Danika hissed tightening her fist jerking Buffy's body toward her.

Face to face Buffy stared at the female vampire annoyed. Danika brazenly lurched forward to strike the slayer like a snake. Buffy met her head cracking a blow to it with her own. Danika tumbled backward and Buffy again raised the stake but not before Spike caught her from behind his arms going around the slayer's waist. He lifted her up, and she kicked the air going off the ground. She writhed and twisted in his hold trying to swipe backward with the stake in any attempt to impale him. 

He gave her no more than a few seconds to try all her stunts in vein. Spike's teeth sunk into her neck seizing this opportunity. Buffy yelped and shrieked with what little stamina and air she had left after the initial sting. Spike growled digging in harder and tearing at her fragile flesh. The wood clattered to the ground and Buffy flailed in his grasp. Rearing his head back suddenly Spike retracted a chunk of flesh and snarled digging his blood soaked teeth and lips back into the wound he'd created feasting on her.

Limp her arms dropped to her sides. Buffy's eyes drooped shut. She had no more clever one-liners left to snap at Spike. Danika reclined on her elbows watching Spike, before pushing up off the ground.

"Spike," She hissed timidly watching him devour the blood from the slayer.

A roar bellowed at her as he shrank back, lowering himself to his knees drinking more of his supper and bounty. Danika watched unsettled at his gluttonous dining. He looked positively evil and little by little as time went on lost what little of the sexy feral hunter quality he possessed. His hands her gripping Buffy's body tight, his nails digging into her skin bruising it and drawing blood as they groped at the clothed flesh. His entire face was bathed in her blood, splatters coating his clothes and hair.

Between roars and growls came moans and whimpers. He refused to share enjoying too much the taste of the blood and feeling of accomplishment. It didn't take long to drain her, but Spike made the time last.

"So it's over, just like that," Danika whispered to herself taking another step back from the scene of the feeding, "His temper and I know she could have fought harder. Did he just let her win before, did she get worse,"

She caught the glance of his eyes and heard the thud of him releasing his meal to the bloodied earth. He was on his knees hovering over the slayer's body. Danika realized she'd stumbled and tip toed five feet from him in an attempt to be a safe distance. He let out a deep withheld breath.

"Is this what you wanted to see? Now that the competitions gone do you feel safer love or even more afraid?"

Danika screamed as Spike lunged for her.


	5. How Could Our Love Be So .. violent

**(Part 4)**

Spike shot from his sheets. He was slick and sopping with sticky liquid. He groped over his face and neck in the dark, beginning to shake in a panic. Swinging his legs over the mattress he made his way from the bed his right arm flailing connecting with plastic settled on wood. One of tap lights he'd ordered off the TV shopping network lit up. He looked at his hands in earnest registering their clean order. He sighed relieved finding only sweat and no blood coating them.

Behind him he heard sheets rumpling and turned to the noise able to see the entire room now with the cheap plastic all lit up. His eyes must have still in ablaze with panic and if he had any humanity he would have been flushed perhaps. He closed his gaping mouth and stared back watching the sheets wrap around the naked flesh that stood with her back toward him.

"Go back to bed love," he gently suggested staggering toward the mattress leaving the light on.

He was met with a small smile meant to be comforting. He lowered back to sitting on the edge of the bed still noticeably stiff and agitated. Footsteps walked all the way around the bed ending beside him. He didn't turn, but kept staring at the floor straight ahead. Two soothing arms went out, releasing kneading palms on his shoulders moving up and down between his biceps and shoulder blades, steadily relaxing his tenseness.

"Bad dream,"

"You wouldn't believe –" he cut himself short knowing if he did come out with the whole thing she would believe and maybe that would be worse.

"What was it about?"

"I can't remember. I just woke up is all,"

"And turned on a night light," she almost laughed, "I've never seen you bound for a nightlight nor leave it on,"

"I was half asleep, cmon,"

"Spike,"

"It was bloody nothing. I can't remember I told you,"

"Tell me,"

He let out another sigh and turned away from her completely, dropping to the side, his head hitting his pillow. She followed lying behind him, slipping an arm around his waist teasing his hard flat belly with her fingernails.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me. I'm sorry I pressed,"  
            He didn't reply. He kept replaying the entire dream in his head, nervous of the realism. He'd never dreamed this way before.

"You know," he began rolling over to face her, "if you left me I think it would be the end of everything. I'd go simply insane,"

A flattered and understanding smile spread across her lips.

"I'm not going anywhere,"

"Not tonight, but what if you suddenly don't trust me,"

His thoughts were of the dream, the entirety. He shuddered.

"Why wouldn't I trust you? I've trusted you with my entire world, my entire life,"

"I don't know," he shook his head banishing thoughts along with the memory of the dream from his mind, "Forget it. You should sleep,"

            "Are you going to stay awake?"

            "Yeah," his reply was low, a little ashamed but wanting desperately for her not to worry for his head and simply drift off back to sleep.

            "Then why don't I stay up with you and," her words hung as her eyes twinkled mischievously, "we can get you back into the sleeping mood?"

            "Wearing me out," Spike moved closer to her accepting her arm around his waist pressing a hand to his back, pinning his body to hers, "What a great idea. Come up with that one all by yourself,"

            "Mmm hmm," she affirmed closing her lips over his briefly, before looking at him inquisitively at his lack luster lip lock, "I was in the dream wasn't I?"

            "Parts," Spike lied blinking, "good parts,"

            "Oh, now that explains why you were all sweating and riled up,"

            Spike rolled over, pinning her now to the mattress, straddling her staring down hungrily. He licked his lips before lowering onto her body, only kisses touching her neck, a tiny shock pricking the entire volume of his brain before his teeth could begin to bare.

            "Mm, Buffy," Spike moaned the sinking feeling entering his stomach as he remembered the detailed dream of finding and siring a new lover and bringing her to his crypt, the coupling and the dreams and the murdering of the slayer.

            Buffy's bright eyes were barely slits as she tilted her head back her mouth opening wide. Spike covered it with his own lips and forced all the images out of his mind. The sinking feeling dissuaded only a bit, the lustful human pleasures starting to replace the remnant intoxicating feelings of a kill. No matter how well and how much he enjoyed playing the sick game of house with the slayer now something was telling him his destiny wanted something else.

Reaching to the bedside Spike launched a spent bottle of wine at the tap light. The plastic piece clattering to the floor sprung loose a battery bathing the room in darkness. Whether a trick of his mind or a belated noise of the broken bottle and light Spike could hear a breathless female voice clearly tinkling the sacred words that didn't send the chip buzzing him painfully 

"Mm, Spike, hurt me,"

The End


End file.
